Image supplied by Dermot Kelly.
Dermot Kelly Silent Not Defeated tells the story of a Drogheda man who grew up profoundly Deaf before going on to represent Ireland in football, become a father and build a successful career.
Dermot Kelly released his new memoir, Silent, Not Defeated, on Monday, 21st September to coincide with the beginning of International Week of Deaf People.
The memoir traces his life from childhood in Drogheda and his experiences at school through some of the most difficult periods of his life, including the abuse and discrimination he experienced.
But Silent, Not Defeated is also about the parts of Dermot’s life of which he is particularly proud, from his three children and career to representing Ireland in Deaf football and taking on marathons.
Dermot Kelly
Growing up Deaf in Drogheda
Dermot is the second of eight children, three of whom were Deaf.
His early experience of education in Drogheda was particularly difficult. He remembers sitting in classes of 30 or 40 pupils and struggling every day to understand what his teachers were saying.
“Most of the time I hadn’t a clue. I wasn’t messing, and I wasn’t lazy. I just couldn’t hear or access what everyone else got without even trying,” he said.
His mother brought him to speech therapy every week and Dermot learned to speak clearly. However, he says this created another difficulty because people often assumed that his ability to speak meant he could also hear them.
“If I gave a wrong answer, or missed something, or looked like I wasn’t paying attention, people read it as me not being bothered, or not being clever enough, rather than what it actually was.”
Dermot says there were no subtitles or interpreters available to him at the time, while Deaf awareness was limited and sign language was discouraged.
He relied heavily on watching people’s faces and lips to understand what was happening around him.
“It wasn’t until I was older, around other Deaf people who signed freely, that I understood what had actually been missing from my childhood, real, easy communication, without having to guess or fill in the gaps myself.”
Encouraged by a friend to tell his story
Part of the inspiration to finally write his memoir came from Dermot’s former classmate Dominic McGreal, author of Revolutionary Lover, who encouraged him to write his own book.
Dominic later died from cancer, something Dermot says changed the way he thought about putting off things he wanted to do.
Writing about his past was not always easy.
“Some of what’s in the book was harder to live than it is to read, and I didn’t want to soften any of it, because none of it was soft when it happened to me,” he said.
“Going back into those memories to write them down meant sitting with things I’d spent years trying not to think about too closely.”
Dermot ultimately wanted to give readers an honest insight into his experiences.
“If someone reads this and it helps them, or helps them understand a Deaf person in their own life a bit better, then going back through it was worth it.”
‘Silent is what people saw’
The title Silent, Not Defeated reflects a distinction Dermot wants readers to understand about his life.
“Silent is what people saw, a Deaf man, someone who couldn’t hear the world the way they did. Not Defeated is what actually happened,” he said.
“I was called stupid, underestimated, ignored, hurt and silenced at different points in my life, but none of that ever beat me.
“I want readers to understand that being Deaf was never the thing that defeated me. Other people’s assumptions came close, at times. The silence itself never did.”
Family, career and representing Ireland
The story at the heart of Dermot Kelly Silent Not Defeated is one of communication barriers, discrimination, family, sport and refusing to be defined by other people’s expectations.
Of everything he has achieved, Dermot says becoming a father to Jordan, Aaron and Nicole remains the thing that makes him proudest.
His working life is another source of pride.
After leaving school in the late 1980s, Dermot trained as a chef and worked his way through professional kitchens before becoming a catering manager.
Sport also became an important part of his life.
Dermot played with an all-Deaf football team which progressed to the Premier League while competing against hearing teams. He later represented Ireland in Deaf football at World Games and European Championships and competed at the 2005 Deaflympics in Australia.
“Wearing an Irish jersey after growing up as the Deaf boy who couldn’t follow a classroom was something else entirely,” he said.
Later in life, Dermot took up marathon running, with crossing each finish line becoming another personal achievement.
“I love proving people wrong. Every time someone told me I couldn’t do something, have children, hold down a serious job, represent my country, finish a marathon, it just made me want it more.”
A message for Deaf young people
Publishing the memoir during International Week of Deaf People was particularly important to Dermot.
He hopes the book will give hearing readers a better understanding of everyday communication barriers faced by Deaf people and encourage greater awareness of Irish Sign Language.
“If this book reaches even a few hearing readers and changes how they treat the next Deaf person they meet, more patience, a written note instead of assuming, not talking over someone struggling to follow, then publishing it during that week was the right call,” he said.
“I’d love it to help people understand that Irish Sign Language isn’t a lesser way of communicating, it’s just a different one, and Deaf people deserve the same easy conversation everyone else takes for granted.”
He also hopes his experiences will resonate with young Deaf people who may be facing some of the same difficulties he encountered growing up.
“People will underestimate you. Some will be cruel about it. None of that decides who you become.
“I was called stupid as a child. I represented my country. I built a family I was told I’d never have.
“Silent, maybe. Never defeated.”
Silent, Not Defeated is available in paperback, hardback and Kindle editions on Amazon. Signed copies are also available directly from Dermot.
